You Didn’t Have to Do It

What type of man marries a woman that already has children, and immediately takes full responsibility for those children as if they were his own?  I mean let’s consider the circumstances.  Women clearly out-number men, which mean most men have options from which to choose.  And if a man has any attractive quality, such as being handsome, athletic, financially stable, and spiritually grounded, then his options increase exponentially.  So, why take on a woman and her children, share your hard gained resource, and potentially dilute the resources you have available for your own children?  Why do all of these things when you clearly do not have to?  Despite the motivation, I am certainly glad that the man that reared me decided to do so – even though he didn’t have to do it.

Could it be as simple as love?  Is love a strong enough emotion to draw an eligible bachelor into a ready-made family?  How about the option of stepping into a parental role and skipping the messy infant stages?   So many men in this situation do exactly that – step in when the child is still an infant.  Is there a financial gain or physical advantage to earning the commitment of a lady that has already given birth?  None of these or any other assumptions appear to justify the decision. And they certain did not apply in my father’s case.

Let’s assume for the sake of argument that the man just happened to fall for the woman, and her kids were a nonfactor.  In my opinion, this is a dangerous position.  A mother of any worth will not isolate her value within the total package that includes her children.  Even if the man found out about the children after he was head over heels for the woman, and he could not deny his passion, the woman is sure to make it clear that we are an indivisible unit.  At least that is the romantic version.  In reality, quite often parents abandon their commitment in exchange for love and affection from a mate.  So glad that my mother did not, nor did my father ask her too.

We know it is not the case for all parents to abandon their children for love.  And certainly some men, and women, accept partners that have children from previous relationships.  I know this first hand, because you, my father, didn’t have to marry my mother, knowing that she had two young children, but you did.  It is because of your selfless example that I felt very comfortable embracing my call to marry a woman with three teen-aged daughters.

It appears to me that the answer to the original inquisition is that one must be embracing a calling.  Accepting a woman with her children is answering a call to be a father, a mentor, and a friend.  You didn’t have to do it, but you did.  And though it was an uphill battle, with many sacrifices, you never gave up the fight.  You – are the model of persevering love that I embrace when my parenting moments get tough.  I am grateful for all that I learned through your example, even more now as I walk in your footsteps.  Thank you for accepting, loving and leading me.  For me it no longer matters why you did what you did, I am just thankful that you did.